Emotional Healing Series – Vulnerability, the fear of being rejected.
According to Paul Mac Lean’s triune theory, our brain evolved from reptilian, to limbic, to neocortex layers and these three stages of evolution handle our physical, emotional and intellectual realms respectively. Emotions then are handled by our limbic brain, but still we feel them in our body, that’s why we call them feelings. Similarly emotion means energy in motion, energy that runs through us as humans and somehow won’t disappear. And as we know, energy does not disappear according to the laws of physics. Then what to do with this energy when it suddenly appears and we associate thoughts with physical reactions? What to do with these feelings that sometimes paralyze ourselves or take us to places in which we don’t want to be?
The word vulnerability stands from the Latin root “Vulner” that means wound. And because it usually hurts, it’s too difficult to be vulnerable. Like an open wound, we don’t want to be touched. We don’t want to be hurt and all our attention is redirected to protect ourselves from any irritant.
Life is a relationship. Everything is comprehended through this definition. We can hide ourselves from others but at some point we have to show up and then everything becomes a relationship. Healing our relationships, including the one with ourselves is crucial to our life.
For most of us one of the major barriers to beginning this necessary healing process is the fear of being rejected. We are not able to take the first step towards this healing process because of this paralyzing fear. This is when vulnerability kicks in and not only becomes important, but absolutely necessary. Courage is required to take the first step towards healing. When we are wounded physically our body bleeds. When we are wounded emotionally our ego bleeds. Embracing vulnerability allows us to understand that in order to develop connection, which is the main reason we have manifested here on planet earth, we need to take the first step. We need to say I love you first. We need to invest regardless of the outcome.
An unknown sage expressed: When I let go of who I am, I become who I might be. We expend most of our life energy defending this self-image of who we think we are. Our principles, our ideas, our rights and so on. At some point we realize that all of this is a construction in our mind.
The principles through which we live our life are the instruments that our intellect uses to ultimately build our own ego.
When we see life through this perspective and open our wounds to be seen, then vulnerability paradoxically becomes the balm to cure these wounds and to heal emotionally.
The following are some mantras and affirmations that we can use to understand and embrace vulnerability.
Connection – Courage – Compassion – I am enough
- I desist from being certain
- I desist from making my point
- I abstain from any form of violence
- I open my heart and pursue connection
- I open my heart and pursue vulnerability
- I open my heart and pursue unbounded love
As in any hidden trail, the mystery becomes tangible as we deepen into the roadway. Allow yourself to always walk through the passages of your destiny holding your heart in your hands.
Diego Gesualdi & Debbie Wacks