“The beauty of love is that in given it away you have left with more than you had before”
David Simon

 

One of the greatest understandings of microbiology is to realize that what happens at a cellular level parallels what happens in our experience as humans. Cells are intelligent organisms that breathe, eat and perform upon the information they receive as they interact. They can decode information and act upon it with perfect synchronism as needed. Cells are made out of molecules, molecules are made out of atoms and atoms are made out of energy. And as we know through Einstein’s formula (E= MC2), energy and matter are the same in different disguises. As Deepak Chopra says: “we are energy and information moving at the speed of light”. Everything in the cosmos is energy and information moving at the speed of light. Although nobody would deny Einstein’s formula, it is difficult for us to think in these terms; this universe is a quantum soup and we are all part of it even though our individuation through sensory perception may tell us the opposite.

One of the forces that keeps this universe running is “Unconditional Love”. Our heart pumps 24/7 since before our memories were formed without asking for anything in return, the sun keeps our galaxy alive through its own selfless radiating energy. Our cells even die when it is time for them to die without any disturbance or complaint. All this supreme intelligence works without any disruption, as everything seems to be dancing a perfect Ballet.

Now what does unconditional love mean? I heard once that unconditional love is “the understanding and acceptance of another’s process”, whatever it might be. Acceptance of what is coming back without asking for something in return, openness and alertness to receive whatever it might be.

So, under this definition, unconditional love is more related to the willingness to accept the receiving process, rather than an extreme giving process. This is usually misunderstood.
It is common to think of unconditional love as giving excessively, but in my exploration, I have come to believe that learning unconditional love is about learning to give without emotional manipulation, without strategies, and then without asking for something in return.

The first time I was touched by this dilemma of what unconditional love means was at the birth of my son Conrado. I was astonished by the amount of loving energy spreading all over me. I was stunned by this feeling of complete surrendering of myself to support somebody else’s process. I was amazed to realize that from that moment on, my concept of individuality was forever changed. It was not just me, but somebody else. I was not alone anymore.

Then if the power of unconditional love unfolded within me so easily via Conrado, why does it become so difficult for me to love others in the same way? Why is it so easy to love our children without conditions, but not each other? Why can’t we be open to receiving whatever comes our way and accepting each other’s processes, whatever they might be?

We all are leaves of the same tree. As a part of this cosmic tree we should take care of each other through love, accepting and respecting each other. Some leaves may persist, some others may fall, but in the end we all are going to be part of this quantum soup that holds this tree that we call home.
Grievance, resentment, anger or even violence rise up upon our inability to love, upon our inability to understand and accept somebody’s process, especially when that process trespasses our vulnerability or sense of I.

Equanimity, stepping back, observing, and quieting our minds are all great tools to foster unconditional love. But to me, Self- Love is the necessary first step to be able to practice love.
Self-love is no more than the acceptance of our own self with all our failures, shadows and shortcomings. Our «faults» or shadows are only apparent because of the brightness of our inner light. Without light there are no shadows.

The founder of Taoism, Lao Tzu, said that “Humility is the absence of individuality”. Through self-love we can recognize that our individuality is no more than our own personality built in order to endure and learn in this evolving experience that is life. Through self-love we can recognize that everyone walks this same road of building a personality. Behaving as if individuality is separating us makes no sense because we have an inherent bond. Paradoxically, through self-love, we can also recognize that we are the only ones capable of taking care of ourselves and on this journey if we share this self-care with others, we will nourish them through our own radiating love.

Through the exploration of self-love and the acceptance of somebody else’s process, we can receive the gift of unconditional love. We can foresee love as part of our daily interaction with our mother earth and every being on this planet. We can make it our driving force. As we are part of the same tree, the everyday practice of unconditional love has the power to connect us to each other and align ourselves with the entire cosmic Universe.

 By Debbie Wacks & Diego Gesualdi